The girlfriend is a funny person. She's kind of hard to get to know, I mean, REALLY know. I often feel privileged to know the real her, not just her public persona.
My favorite thing is when she gives me that look. The look that unironically says "I love you Elise". She's not really one for serious displays of affection. If she's openly affectionate, it's often silly or followed by a vomiting sound. Most of the time, I wish she would stop making a mockery out of our affections for one another...but sometimes I get that look. It's so genuine, so in the end...I guess I don't mind her silliness.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The Vicious Circle- Being Mad at My Uterus
Being Female: I don't know why anyone does it. Every month, the things that make me female hijack my body and my mind. Usually my complaint is the pain. The mind numbing, crippling, hiding in a hole from the monster pain. However, this month...in my "Pre-Menstrual" days, I complain on the assault of my mind. Weird emotional swings and other common PMS mental tweaks are not usually a thing that bother me much, but when it happens, IT HAPPENS. This is why, I feel that I am justified in blaming my emotional weirdness on my nasty-ass, bleeding cycle.
So, last night I went out with a friend for a bit. We went to the grand opening night of a lesbian club. I went as my friend's moral support. She was supposed to be on a first date, but the date didn't really show up until we were about to leave. That was cool. It's very rare that I'm in a room FULL of girls that are into girls. It was funny because I was a tad self conscious (suck in that gut you fool!). This must be what straight people feel like when they go to bars or clubs.
Anyways, we had a grand time, but had to leave early because I had work at ass o'clock in the morning. After the long metro ride, I made it home. I expected to find my girlfriend there...because as far as I knew, she had no plans. She wasn't. It would've been totally cool, but I had gotten no text or call about this and it was fairly late. It also appeared that her phone was off. I couldn't reach her. I tried to go to sleep...but instead I had an anxiety attack. My girlfriend isn't one to disappear without any sort of word. I go through a bunch of scenarios. Maybe I did something wrong that I wasn't aware of, and she left out of anger, or maybe she's doing something that she doesn't want to tell me about.
The more I think about it, the more my body physically reacts to this panic. My body is violently shaking, and I'm feeling pretty nauseous. This isn't the first time this has happened. Being upset for any at or about my girlfriend sometimes involves these tremors in varying strengths. Last night's bodyquake was very strong. She came home at 2:30ish, and of course, I was still not asleep. At this point, I had worked up a great anger that I was trying to control. I know that this situation is not one born out of reason.
She explains that she had sent me a text to tell me that she was going out with coworkers. Her phone is stupid and decides sometimes that It wont work. So, that's what happened. I didn't get her texts, and she didn't get mine. It took me some time to calm down after she got back, but she was very sweet and did her best to help me calm down. The shivering finally died down about 30 mins later.
In the end, I didn't get a lot of sleep...and work today was exhausting.
I fucking hate not being able to control some of my emotions. I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend.
So, last night I went out with a friend for a bit. We went to the grand opening night of a lesbian club. I went as my friend's moral support. She was supposed to be on a first date, but the date didn't really show up until we were about to leave. That was cool. It's very rare that I'm in a room FULL of girls that are into girls. It was funny because I was a tad self conscious (suck in that gut you fool!). This must be what straight people feel like when they go to bars or clubs.
Anyways, we had a grand time, but had to leave early because I had work at ass o'clock in the morning. After the long metro ride, I made it home. I expected to find my girlfriend there...because as far as I knew, she had no plans. She wasn't. It would've been totally cool, but I had gotten no text or call about this and it was fairly late. It also appeared that her phone was off. I couldn't reach her. I tried to go to sleep...but instead I had an anxiety attack. My girlfriend isn't one to disappear without any sort of word. I go through a bunch of scenarios. Maybe I did something wrong that I wasn't aware of, and she left out of anger, or maybe she's doing something that she doesn't want to tell me about.
The more I think about it, the more my body physically reacts to this panic. My body is violently shaking, and I'm feeling pretty nauseous. This isn't the first time this has happened. Being upset for any at or about my girlfriend sometimes involves these tremors in varying strengths. Last night's bodyquake was very strong. She came home at 2:30ish, and of course, I was still not asleep. At this point, I had worked up a great anger that I was trying to control. I know that this situation is not one born out of reason.
She explains that she had sent me a text to tell me that she was going out with coworkers. Her phone is stupid and decides sometimes that It wont work. So, that's what happened. I didn't get her texts, and she didn't get mine. It took me some time to calm down after she got back, but she was very sweet and did her best to help me calm down. The shivering finally died down about 30 mins later.
In the end, I didn't get a lot of sleep...and work today was exhausting.
I fucking hate not being able to control some of my emotions. I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend.
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