Feelings

I'm am suffering from so many feelings right now. None of them are good. I guess this is my blog for venting horrible feelings. I will pretend that I'm 23 and not 14- but a lady needs a method of venting. I think blogging is healthier than killing ALL THE THINGS...which is kind of what I feel like doing.

The worst part is that I really don't really have any reason to be mad- let alone extremely rageful. It's not even my period...I can't even blame it on vaginal bleeding. It's really stupid, because I just want to cry and tear at things, but I already feel foolish (and angry) enough.

As usual, my rage is inspired by the love of my life. It often is, but sometimes it's my boss...I guess that's pretty normal.

My stupid girlfriend went to stupid NYC to visit her stupid friends for a long-ass stupid weekend. Let's just say I've been dreading this trip since she told me she was going to do it (over a month ago). I don't like how she acts when she's around her friends. She doesn't like that I don't like that...but tough, that's just the way it is. So- I was already extremely apprehensive about this trip, but she managed to placate me by saying that she'd leave around 3pm today because her friend had work. Ok...that means she wont get back home super late, and we can spend some time together! Yeah...but I should've know better. I should've figured that she'd find some excuse to stay longer. Not just an hour or two longer...but like, 5 or 6 hours longer. So this means that she'll be rolling in at midnight or possibly 1 am. FUCK THAT.

Thanks for staying in NYC for 5/6 extra hours girlfriend. It totally made my day- it's not like I wanted to spend time with you or anything.

She probably doesn't give a fuck about how I feel in this matter. I know she doesn't get to see these people very often, but she told me (to make me feel better) that she would be home with enough time to spend with me. It was no big deal to give me the shaft. Arg.

So, there's that- and a few little things that just stoked the flames today. Ryan (who I call "the boyfriend who lives with us but doesn't) left me some gifts in the bathroom today. I go in to take a shower, and there's a huge pile of spit in the tub...and some floaters in the toilet. He's extremely gross in the bathroom. According to him, he cleans the bathroom all the time.

Also, my work day started by my boss telling me that she didn't like my cake designs- and then looking at all the things that maud did yesterday and gushing about how wonderful they are. Fuck that too. She keeps telling me that this isn't a competition, but she treats us so differently. All I want is approval where approval is due.

:( :( :(
I even got some bread that liz likes, so that I could share it with her this evening...